It’s 7:09am and I’m pressing snooze on my iPhone.

People describe me as driven and motivated but if they could see me at home they might think differently. I love sleeping. I can go to bed at 10pm and sleep until 7:30 am, no problem. I also enjoy tinkering around the house  – tidying, watering my houseplants, organizing the pantry, cooking, cuddling with my dog or my man, rearranging papers, vacuuming. I easily get lost in the day to day tasks of life.  

And then I feel guilty about it.

Why?

Because I run out of time to do the *important* tasks on my to-do list. Another day, week, month has passed and what has been accomplished?

You’re probably like me.

You have big goals.

You have big dreams.

And it feels like they are slipping away while you fold laundry or water your garden.

While these mundane tasks bring us a brief feeling of satisfaction, a sense of order and control over our lives, we know deep down that we are procrastinating from the important work we could be doing.

Maybe we do it to be normal.

Maybe to let our mind rest and unwind.

Because we like organization and a clean space.

{We need clean clothes to wear, right?!}

Or maybe we’re scared of the chaos and uncertainty that comes with actually accomplishing something of substance. We’re terrified of being immersed so deeply in our work {our mission} that the laundry, the bills, and the dog hair pile up.

We want to achieve massive things, yet we want our lives to be organized, clean, and uncluttered.

Can both desires coexist? {I’ll keep you posted 😉 }

One thing that never changes for us – whether we are in a state of motivation and production or guilt and procrastination – is our drive to build/create/achieve. It’s innately a part of us and never goes away (in my experience).

This brings me to a recent reading I received from my intuitive and talented aunt Kara. She has studied astrology and numerology, as well as intuitive metaphysical practices and tarot reading for many years. She confirmed what deep down I already knew: my life path and my soul urge are in alignment and have to do with building something. In numerology this is represented by the number 8.

#8: influence, manifestation, personal power, material freedom, independence, leadership, construction of systems, organization, management, entrepreneurship…

[Sigh. It makes sense. That’s why I have trouble sitting around and doing nothing all weekend.]

Knowing that my drive is innately part of me means I can exhale and carry on. And I can also enjoy my downtime, because I know that I can’t work hard 24/7, it wouldn’t be sustainable.

Another pivotal moment in my reading was when I pulled the tarot card “postponement” {I had been asking for guidance as to why I was procrastinating}. Duh. The literal meaning of this card was very fitting, obviously, but the deeper meaning was multi-faceted. The place where I feel stuck is actually right where I’m supposed to be. It’s part of my learning, my process of getting where I want to be; without the so-called ‘struggle’, I wouldn’t grow and become who I need to be to get where I want to go.

How to move past the guilt

I believe having a deeper knowing of ourselves can help us move past guilt and into joyful creation and productivity. It starts with asking ourselves why we are avoiding the things we say we want.

Is it fear?

Lack of clarity?

Laziness?

Resistance?

For me, I have this burning desire for freedom, and yet I am becoming more and more certain that the path to freedom lies within structure. My inner freedom junkie rebels and resists against my wiser instincts which tell me I have to create systems, timelines, and structures in order to be free. I know that without structure I will never be able to deliver the value I hope to bring to the world. Without deadlines and deliverables I won’t create anything of substance.

Without providing value and creating something meaningful I won’t have a successful business and my business is the key to my long term freedom (at least the financial and fulfillment parts of freedom, for me).

Along with recognizing my own patterns of behaviour, my self-knowledge was deepened by understanding my astrology and numerology. It is not an exact science, however the insights were so uncannily accurate that I can’t disregard them. I feel a sense of calm clarity since discovering these aspects of myself and my life path. {Connect with Kara if you want to learn more,}

As much as I love learning from others… an even bigger lesson for me is to TRUST my intuition. Habitually, I turn to experts for answers and guidance. There’s nothing wrong with this approach, but what is right for them may not be quite right for me or you. Exploring my intuition is a semi-new passion for me and I look forward to sharing my discoveries in future blog posts. I am realizing how very important it is to listen to my inner knowing and to understand how my intuition expresses itself.  I am also cultivating a level of trust in the timing of the universe.

Where you are in any given moment is exactly where you need to be. Reminds of Eckhart Tolle:

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.”

Ultimately, in my case it also comes down to some pure discipline. This morning I DID NOT hit snooze. Instead, I popped out of bed at 6:15am, did a quick meditation and sat down to finish this blog post.